


adjusting

by planetundersiege



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Catra (She-Ra) Redemption, Complicated Emotions, F/F, Gift, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Oneshot, SPOP Pride Exchange 2019, spop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 12:53:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19357429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/planetundersiege/pseuds/planetundersiege
Summary: Adjusting to life outside of the Horde wasn’t easy, especially after a childhood like Catra’s.Gift to invisible-pink-toast on tumblr for Spop Pride Exchange 2019.





	adjusting

**Author's Note:**

  * For [InvisiblePinkToast](https://archiveofourown.org/users/InvisiblePinkToast/gifts).



Catra sat down on Adora’s bed at Bright Moon. She had never felt a mattress this soft or warm, it was nothing like their old bunk in the Horde. Well, nothing was like the Horde. Here everything was soft, bright colors with glitter, and everyone were so annoyingly happy that it disgusted the magicat at first.

 

After all, she had been taught that it was disgusting princess junk since before she could walk, and even being remotely interested in weak stuff like that would grant you a straight ticket to Shadow Weaver for reprogramming. Being repulsed and disgusted by even a simple bed was like a second nature to Catra, and she realized it was Shadow Weaver’s invisible grip that had caused her fear. It felt weird, being uncomfortable and disgusted by bright colors and a fluffy bed that really looked comfortable to sleep in, just because in the back of her head, someone told her there would be consequences for being soft and liking stuff like this.

 

It made her unsure… because, what was she without the Horde and their guidance?

 

She knew they were evil and wrong, but they had raised her into believing that they were right, and that she should follow. That’s why leaving had been so hard for her, because if she left, the little of an identity she had would be thrown away, because she knew nothing of the outside world except the obvious lies they told her and the others as they got groomed into the next generation of soldiers as mere children.

 

New faces. New morals. New ways to act.

 

Nothing was like Catra was used too, and that thought had scared her more than the obvious fact that she was like a cog in a machine she was forced into since birth, and not following could very well cause her an early death by the hands of her “caretakers”.

 

That’s why she had been a  _ terrified  _ when Adora joined, her only stability leaving her and joining the other side of the war, leaving her alone in the unforgiving grasps of the Horde, alone, to fend for herself. She had been trained all her life to not disappoint the Horde.

 

She knew leaving was a death sentence.

 

Yet, a part of her wanted to leave with the woman she loved, to finally escape that war and the part she would be forced to play as a grown child soldier in a forced army of kidnapped children from conquered kingdoms. But leaving, even if she wanted too, she didn’t realize herself, or believe it.

 

After all, what good soldier wanted to leave their home? She never even knew she wanted to, when her heart screamed and begged for it. She thought that what she wanted was power, she wore her force captain badge with pride, and loved everything. Every battle, every time she conquered something, yes,  _ loved it _ . That’s what she was raised to do, and she actually believed it herself, when in reality, she knew the stuff she had done was unforgivable.

 

That’s why she was so mad at Adora, wanted her to come back so that she didn’t need to leave. She wanted her stability, while not leaving the toxic environment that had groomed her to fear the outside world.

 

And then, when it was clear that she wasn’t coming back, she had began to despise Adora, without knowing why. Her mind told her that she had to fight and kill her, that she didn’t need her, that Adora had been wrong and the Horde had been right. She actually thought that would make her feel better, because if she was respected in the Horde, she would never have to leave the only home she had ever known while relearning everything she had been told since she was a cub barely able to walk on two legs.

 

Countless of fights followed, and in the end, she escaped death by being thrown out of the Horde. She should have seen it as a mercy, to finally be free from the people that had controlled her whole life for her, but instead, she was terrified and filled with shame for not being good enough to stay.

 

What was she without the Horde? She had always been too scared to ask, but now when it was her new truth, she felt so empty, more lost than before, and didn’t know where she would start. Was she even a person outside of there? Would anyone even accept her? How was she supposed to live? Changing side to help the disgusting princesses she had hated through her entire childhood thanks to the propaganda? She knew princesses weren’t evil monsters that killed everyone they saw for fun, and she knew the Horde didn’t conquer for the good of the planet, and that she would join the good side of the warif she sided with the rebellion. But that made it so much worse in its own way. That was just another thing about her life that had been a huge lie, if she stayed in the Horde, at least she had a home. She could ignore that she was one of the people that caused terror in the world, because at least she had a place where she belonged.

 

And after days in the wilderness, she had swallowed all of her pride and then walked towards Bright Moon with her tail between her legs and her ears peaked downwards in defeat, ready to offer the rebellion her help, even if her mind screamed that she was doing exactly everything wrong, she did the worst thing a Horde soldier could do, years of training had melded that into her brain.

 

How had changing sides been so easy for Adora? She changed overnight and never seemed to have these issues with leaving the “family” she grew up with to join what she had been taught to be her mortal enemies as well.

 

Maybe it was because the sword also made her a princess, maybe that had made everything so much easier to accept, maybe her sense of justice wasn’t as easily twisted by the Horde. Maybe that’s why she had left her behind…

 

No, Adora had begged her several times to come with her, and she had declined every single one of them.

 

She had to make this right.

 

First she had been a prisoners, and she didn’t blame any of them at all. One of their worst enemies just walking into Bright Moon, begging to join the rebellion out of nowhere, that really sounded like a joke and the beginning of an evil plan. They locked her up as a precaution, and Catra wasn’t mad at all, which surprised not only the people around her, but herself too. She never made it harder for the people watching her.

 

Days went by, and every time she saw Adora she felt like she was walking on clouds, and as her heart beat faster, she finally felt secure once more, even if Adora was on the other sides of the bars, still not trusting her. But she didn’t care about that, hearing her beautiful voice was enough. She understood that it would take a long time to repair the bond they once had after the things she had done, but she was willing to wait, to show Adora that she was serious. She would redeem herself.

 

After a few days, the beautiful woman finally began to warm up to her again, and Catra felt the trust grow slowly. She swore to herself to never make Adora not trust her again, she would never leave her again. They talked, laughed, and blushed as they rekindled what they once had, this time stronger than before. Adora helped Catra to heal, and Catra helped Adora as well. They were reunited.

 

Days turned into weeks, and she was finally let out, but had Adora as a constant supervisor.

 

She was still nervous, not knowing all of the rules, while also accidentally being too rude to most people she met. She knew nothing about how to act, and what was deemed right and wrong, but she wanted to learn, Adora saw that. She herself knew how lost and broken she had been when she left the Horde, and understood Catra was going through the exact same thing, possibly even worse. Adapting took time, it didn’t happen overnight, but all that mattered was that she tried.

 

Seeing all the people around her support her, while she herself learned, it was a process, but thanks to Adora, Catra slowly began to see the rebellion as more of a home than the Horde had ever been, even though there was still a lot of things to adjust to, from the tiniest details to entire parts of life that was so different, yet seen as the ordinary here. The others slowly began to trust her too.

 

So now, she sat there on Adora’s bed, thinking about how the soft bed equaled evil and dirty princess junk, and how strong the old ways tried to warp her mind. But she knew princesses weren’t bad, and her liking the soft bed wouldn’t cause her to be punished. She wasn’t part of the Horde anymore, and she could do what she wanted, and like what she wanted, even if the back of her mind still made her doubt herself from time to time.

 

She laid down on all four, enjoying the soft mattress as well as the warm blankets. She carefully purred, trying to test the boundaries. Nothing bad happened.  _ Nothing bad happened _ .

 

The Horde couldn’t control her here.

 

“Catra, are you purring?”

 

Catra immediately moved her ears into position and moved her head to the left, seeing Adora. The woman had entered her room without Catra noticing. She just gave her a shy nod, and moved so that Adora would be able to fit too.

 

“So what if I wa… yes, I mean, yes I did purr. The bed is just so soft, I really like it. And I like you, and everyone else here.” she began to say, and took a breath as she coiled her tail. “What I’m trying to say is… well, you know it’s hard for me to talk about my feelings but, I really like it here, I feel at home, like I belong. I still barely know anything about how to act, but everyone knows I’m learning and doesn’t hate me. You don’t hate me, even though I’ve done all those horrible things, you still forgave me.”

 

Adora looked into Catra’s mismatched eyes giving her a small smile, to show her support, that she cared.

 

“Catra, of course I forgive you. I knew how we grew up, why you did those things. They raised us to feel exactly this way, making us terrified of leaving, twisting our minds on right and wrong and how to live, like we don’t have an identity without them, or free will. But we do, we are the only ones that get to write ours lives, not them. I know it’s hard for you, it was for me too, and still is from time to time, but I’m so proud of you, how you’re trying to change and learn, even if it’s hard and the back of your mind tells you what you’re doing now is wrong. You are just misguided, sr both are, but now we’re free, and we get to build our future, and I want you in my future more than anything, I want you with me more than words could explain. That’s what I always wanted, that’s why I wanted you here with me, in a safe environment where you can be yourself, surrounded by people who love you.”

 

“Adora…” she began, feeling the heat on her cheeks. “I love you.”

 

“And I love you too Catra, more than anything. Here, we can finally live the life we want.”

 

“Together?”

 

She nodded.

 

“Together.”

 

Next, their lips were pressed against each other, something they hadn’t been since before Adora left the Horde herself. Sparks flew through their bodies, all their nerves going haywire, and Catra felt her tail stand right up as she was filled with so many emotions, love and comfort.

 

She was free from the Horde, she had Adora by her side, and they loved each other more than anything. Their relationship was stronger than ever, and if Catra would have to leave the Horde again to be with Adora, she would. And Adora would do anything for her.

 

She was redeemed, and had finally found her true place.


End file.
